A Woman in a Man's World

"Remember no one can make you feel

inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Today I thought I'd talk about how this experience has gone for me so far - in terms of my emotional health.  Redoing a house is not for the faint of heart and can be very stressful.  This whole process has been a dream come true for me, but it has been stressful.  Not only am I trying to coordinate everything that needs to happen at the new house, but I've had to maintain our current home, put it on the market, and go through the whole process of selling which is another can of worms.  All while taking care of 4 Kidlets and a hubby.  It's been a juggle at times but I think overall I'm doing ok.

One of the things I was most hesitant about in taking this project on was having to call and talk to different contractors.  In the work that is required to maintain a home, let alone  major renovations, help from professionals is often needed to ensure work is done properly.  Those who know me know that I'm no shrinking violet so picturing me having a hard time calling contractors may be a stretch for some, but it's true.  I think it all really comes down to the fact that I don't like to look stupid.  I have made phone calls in the past and at times been made to feel so stupid that it really unsettled me.  I'm certainly no Albert Einstein, but I'm not stupid.  I have often felt like saying, "I'm sorry I don't know exactly how XY&Z work since I don't do this EVERYDAY like you, but I'm willing to learn if you spend a little time to explain it to me!  Jerk!"  (The "Jerk" part would really only be said in my head of course ;)

A month or so ago I was at the house standing in our master bathroom with 3 contractors, all of whom were men.  We were discussing what the plans were for that space and everyone was weighing in on what to do.  As I drove away, I realized that in that very situation I wasn't the one with the most expertise, but I was the boss.  They were all working for me.  Since I don't currently work outside the home, that's not a position I find myself in very often - being a boss of men.  (Greg may disagree ;)

With the exception of a pair of female painters and a husband/wife painting pair, ALL the contractors I've associated with, interviewed, and hired, have been men.  I'm thankful that so far it has been a very positive experience.  But I have had to be sure to be straight forward and hold my ground when I may be getting pushed in a direction I may not feel comfortable going.  Everyone has an opinion and it's important to listen to them because these are professionals who do this every day and they have a lot of good advice.  But advice aside, I've had to make sure my end goal is still being met despite what the experts may think.

Fortunately before we took this house on, I did have experience handling less then cooperative contractors to give me a little practice and confidence in holding my own.  Last year we had a new sprinkler system put in at our current house.  Greg handled most of the interviews and appointments but was at work the day of the install.  The installer was a big burly guy and from the get-go, he started emotionally pushing me around.  There was some discussion on where exactly the access to the house should be and I knew Greg had an opinion but I wasn't able to reach him at work.  I told the contractor we may have to hold off  a day until we could figure it out.  He was very pushy and told me it HAD to happen THAT day.  I know contractors have schedules and we need to be sympathetic to that, but if something is being done to MY house and it's permanent, they will wait until I'm sure it's where I want it to be.  I could tell he was trying to push me around because I was a woman.  I was having none of it.  I told him we certainly D.I.D N.O.T have to do it, nor would we do it, until I was sure we were doing it right.  He backed down and didn't question me after that.

Like I said, so far this experience has been a fairly positive one (with the exception of the appraiser, which is a story for another day).  I do have to have confidence in myself and my choices which can be uncomfortable at times, but every time I am, every time I hold my ground and push a little bit into the faith area, I grow just a little more and gain faith not only in myself but this process as a whole.  It's truly been amazing.

I hope you all have a great weekend and take the time to truly honor the amazing women in your life - especially your mother!

Spiritual uplift HERE.

Escalation

Escalation!  This is a word that has become an important part of my husband and my marriage.  It is most frequently used in reference to shopping.  We will walk into a store like Home Depot or a home decor store looking for one thing, and end up getting 5 more things.  My husband can't stand it.  He has to mentally prepare himself for things like this.  Most of the time he's a good sport, but I try and not push it and do as much shopping as I can without him.

A few Saturdays ago was a day of escalation.  We started out looking at granite for the kitchen, he was ready for that.  Then I told him we had go to Lowe's to get a new toilet.  That turned into getting stuff to clean the kitchen cabinets for painting, a ceiling fan for the boys room, sconces for the master bathroom, etc.  We then dumped our kids at a friends house and headed to our new house to prep the kitchen for painting.  While there, we spent a large part of our time talking to our contractor about the master bathroom and layout for Kidlet #1's bedroom.  To his credit, my husband kept it together but there was definite tension.  At one point he even commented how much he hates the planning stage.  (Seriously, that is why we are such an awesome team!  I LOVE TO PLAN!!!)

One of the things that really stresses me out about this whole thing is having to make decisions relatively quickly.  I try not to let it get to me, but that Saturday was hard.  A few weeks ago I sold the big ugly jetted tub in the master bath on Craigslist.  The guy who bought it was also interested in the vanities.  I had not originally thought of selling them, but had no attachment for them, so I sold those too.  I tried my best to find a possible match to the existing tile, but since it was put in 30 years ago, no such luck.  With the tub, vanities and tile gone, the shower is all that is staying and my contractor said that now would be the time to get rid of it and move the shower if we wanted.  I had not planned on doing this, but I know he's right.  So it looks like our bathroom is escalating into something bigger then we had planned.  I'm excited, but nervous because I have to make quite a few decisions quickly.  Greg was actually all over the idea!  (Remember, the good team thing we have going on ;)

Here is what it looked like to begin with:

Here is what it looked like as we started and have proceeded through the demolition.

Do any of you have any ideas on how I should lay it out?  Input would be great cause I'm open to just about anything at this point!  In fact, it's kind of stressing me out.  The shower will come out so you can ignore that.  It's basically a blank slate and to tell you the truth, that can sometimes be a problem.  I will not be putting a tub back in.  We are not bath people so I see no point in having it take up space if I'm never going to use it.  I know it will workout.  I just have to be patient with the process.  Since the kids bathroom will be done before we move in, it's not a huge deal if this one isn't.  It would be nice, but it isn't going to happen.  Too many other important things HAVE to happen before we can move in.

Have a great Tuesday!  We are getting some bad weather the next few days.  I'm starting to think our concrete won't go in until August at the rate we are going!!

General Contracting 101

Happy Monday!  I hope you all had a great weekend.

It should be obvious to you all by this point, that the house needs quite a bit of work.  With 4 small children, a full time job on my husband's end, and life in general, our spare time is very limited.  We had a mutual understanding in buying this house that a LARGE (if not all) portion of the immediate work that needs to be done would be contracted out.

Enter Me.  The new general contractor.  Of sorts.

Since we know we are going to be spending a bit more money by paying someone, I have been meeting with tons of contractors over the last week and a half to get bids and hopefully get the best price for the best job.  This process has it's pros and cons.

On the pro side, I have learned a ton and gotten a lot of useful tips and feedback from everyone who has come through the house.  Everyone has an opinion on what you should do - and that's good and bad.  It's good from the standpoint that almost every scenario is addressed but bad because it becomes a bit overwhelming.

On the con side, it takes a lot of time.  We are a bit pressed for time on when we would like to move into the house so I feel a little heat on my heels.  It takes a lot of time to go through what you'd like each individual to do and then it takes time for them to get you a bid.  A few have given me bids on the spot which has been wonderful because it at least gives me a starting point.

I know a large part of this process is going to force me to be a good juggler and I'm up for it.  I need to remind myself of that every once in awhile.  I know I'll make mistakes, but that's ok.  That's life.

To help make my life a bit easier, I have what I like to call, "The Command Center".  Or if you don't want to be so for boding, "the command bag".

{Vera Bradley}

Here is a picture of what I have inside (contents may vary from day to day, but this is a general overview).

Let me explain everything for you:

1.  The folded up white papers with blue trim are the blue prints of the house.  We were super lucky and got them from the seller.  They have been invaluable. 

2.  The HGTV magazine.  I get my inspiration from everywhere so I love to grab a good decor magazine and look through it for good ideas when I have some down time.

3.  My laptop.  I use this for budget planning, writing this blog, and many other things.

4.  To the right of the blueprints is a tape measure on top of two books.  The blue one is my calendar where I write all appointments for the house and our lives in general, and the brown book is where I have every contact number from plumbers to concrete layers.  I also write notes of things I need to do and bits of info I need to remember.  If I lose either of these books come looking for me at the local hospital because I will be heavily sedated from a panic attack.

5.  The purple striped binder holds receipts, bids, etc. that need to be organized and filed.

6.  Last, but not least, the granola bar.  I always carry something to get me through a long appointment or quiet one of my children.

Not pictured are a pen and my phone.  My phone (swoon).  I truly love it.  

This is all a process and I'm still enjoying it so that is good.  I can't wait to actually start to get things going.  I'm just as excited to start to see a transformation as all of you are.