Now I've seen spit up a few times over the last 10 years of mothering, but this was epic. The only one to rival it happened with kidlet #1 and hers ruined a chair. Literally ruined it.
Shortly after this episode I texted the pictures to Greg and then called him and declared, "I DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH!!" This is often my response to parenting things I get to handle that go WAY above my pay grade. It's all a joke of course because I do not get paid one cent for what I do. Now, before you jump on the comment section or start chastising me in your brain with things like, "What you do is so important and you could never put a price on it." or "Your pay comes in things that no money could ever buy." I know. But that's not the point here. No matter how wonderful parenting is, there are moments that are just not my favorite and I begin to long for a desk job where I did get paid. Where I had some validation for the efforts I put forth. That doesn't mean I want to throw in the towel tomorrow or that I want to quit my day job but some days it's REALLY, REALLY hard and I don't like being a mom.
Did I just write that out loud? Yes I did!!
I will soon be emerging from what we have coined as "Baby Jail". For the most part I have been holed up in the house for the last 5 weeks. I typically give myself 6 weeks for baby's sake and my recovery's sake. I have loved aspects of it, but towards the 6 week mark I start to go a little nuts-o. I am a social creature, and by social I mean social with people somewhere in adult conversation social group. As cute as my kidlets are, I can only take so much Barbie Thumbelina on repeat. Thankfully I've had great support these last few weeks and have had a steady flow of visitors without it being too much.
Besides a lot of time in the house I have spent a lot of time in my head. That's good and bad. I need time to think and process but if I'm not careful I can go down some pretty dark roads and when you feel like you're living in Groundhog Day, with very little sleep, and hormones coming and going like Grand Central Station, those roads seem to cross your path more than normal.
The other day I started down one of those roads. Greg had taken the older two kids to the movies, the kitchen was a mess again, there was a pile of clothes to be folded, I was hoping for a shower after 2 days of not getting one (still hoping for that to happen), my 2 year old was digging in her defiant heals, and I lost my cool. That's when it always seems to really get me, when I let my temper get the best of me. I put said 2 year old down for a nap and then I had a thought strike me.
Despite how I think things should be, despite the fact that I often feel unappreciated and that my efforts go unnoticed, it really is my fault. Maybe I'm getting "paid" exactly what I deserve. Am I really giving this mothering thing my all? I often find myself perhaps not staying on task or not pushing myself to do harder things because I know that they will not be noticed or appreciated. I'll admit it, I like praise and kids are the worst givers of praise - especially for healthy cooked meals, clean clothes, a cozy house, and excellent parenting skills trying to instill good work ethic and values. To drive this point home, one of my kidlets who got surprised with going to the movies came home afterward and said he really liked the movie, but he would have rather gone and played games with my husband at the church (that having been the ploy to get them out of the house and to the movies).
Now I don't think going to the movie was the wrong choice, but it just emphasized that you can do what you think is best and they still might not like it. The parenting blunders or "fails" are as long as the day is long, but instead of giving up you have to keep going!! You have to keep trying and you have to keep pushing your limits. If you were the CEO of a Fortune 500 company would you give up and stop doing your best or trying your hardest at the first sign of trouble or doubt? Most likely not. Your paycheck would most likely give you confidence and a reason to move forward.
Truth be told, your kids may never notice or ever care, so where do you get motivation to keep going? I am beginning to think that it really has to come from within. When I am in the mindset that I am the best thing money could buy for my family and home, then I'm unstoppable. I don't mean this in a prideful way, but can you imagine the amazing things that would happen to women and their families if we all promoted ourselves to CEO of our households and felt worthy of the title? I have a feeling we would be a lot less depressed, stop comparing ourselves to others, and end up being the best versions of ourselves possible.
At the end of the parenting road (which honestly will never happen), I want to look back and know I gave it my all and that everything I did was because I knew my job was one you actually really couldn't put a price on, one no one could ever afford to pay me. Because can you ever put a price on your efforts to build a home where there is an abundance of love, acceptance, fun, and happiness? I think not!
So as I finish this post and listen to one of my children whine yet again about the fact that life never seems to be fair for them, I will take a deep breath and keep reminding myself that I get "paid" a lot of money for what I do. It just happens to all be deposited in an off shore bank account that I can't access right now.
LOL! I wish!!
No comments:
Post a Comment