I couldn't change how I was created,
I could only make myself more
of who I already was,
focusing on what made me unique,
what made me me.
I love a new year. It really is a great way to dump the baggage of the last year and step forward on a new path. Many make new years resolutions and I think that it's a good practice. This year with having just had a baby and trying to get my feet back on the ground I decided I only had one goal. The funny thing is that it's probably the biggest goal I've ever placed before myself.
I have a love hate relationship with social media. It's nice to see how friends that aren't near are doing and the fun things, and sometimes sad things (those aren't nice of course), that are going on in their lives. There are certain people I have come to really admire through social media and dare I even say envy. They seem SO happy. But I don't envy them for being just "happy" for happy sake. As I look and admire these happy people I realize I envy them because they are happy by living THEIR lives, on THEIR terms, in THEIR each unique and special way. Now that doesn't mean that everything they post is roses and a trip to Disneyland. No, in fact it's the good and the bad, the happy and the sad all mixed together, but it's 100% them and in some way they have come to push aside what others may think of them and truly be themselves.
So what is my 2016 New Year's resolution? It's to be me. To find me. To cut through all the crap of what I tend to tell myself I'm not and find out who I really am and then embrace it and live it and let it shine from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I need to do it for myself, for my husband, for my kids, for my friends and family, for my God. I need to become and shine as He has always intended for me too.
It's not going to be easy. There is a constant scroll of doubts, inadequacies, and flaws that threaten to derail me and that I have to beat back every day, sometimes moment after moment to keep ahead of myself, to keep the path in front of me cleared, if only just by a few feet. I turn 40 this month and while many would say I'm still young, I truly do hope I have more of life ahead of me then behind me and I hope I make it 10x better than the latter.
For sometime now I have been looking for fabric to hang curtains in our front room. The dominant color of the room is navy with pops and accent colors in lime green and pink. Over the last year I have been looking for the perfect color to make curtains to flank a window and door on either side of the fireplace and create more unity and warmth in the room. I was set on green because it was safe and something I knew I could live with. But a few weekends ago a friend and I went shopping to a few fabric stores and, with a little bit of encouragement on her part, I knew green was not the color. Green was the safe color, the color everyone else wants or would expect me to have, but it isn't the color I know I want. Pink it has to be!!
I came home that night and informed my husband that pink curtains would soon be hanging in his living room to which he replied, "Sounds good! I know it will look great because whatever you do looks great."
My friends, if you are struggling with the same issues I am, I encourage you to find yourself this year. Find out who you really are under all those layers we tend to put on to "protect" ourselves but that only end up keeping us from reaching our full potential. You may just end up discovering that "pink curtains" are what you need in your life. That "pink curtains" will help you shine just a little bit more. Because after all, it's just a little bit a "fabric", but it can create a whole lot of happiness.
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